It’s the time of the year again, where decisions have to be made and songs have to be born to the world. I wish it was honestly easy as how I hear it in documentaries and these great musicians saying “oh I dreamt of this song, so I went to the studio and recorded it, and now, you know, it’s a hit!”.
But of course we have different paths, different paces and different approaches. You have all these ideas you want to multitask (does multitasking exist anyway?) and all these things you want to do in the future. Then, you suddenly feel everything and everyone moving too fast, like a head rush, or a bunch of people pressuring you to get a job (like what you’re doing isn’t). Either way they’re all the same, nothing but pressure, anxiety, a series of patterns you made in that mushy brain of yours that turned into a habit, a habit of worrying.
Before I started recording my songs, I was staring at the ceiling for hours and by hours I meant i failed to sleep the next day because my thoughts were just too loud. My brain was yelling at me telling me I’m not ready! The metronome is gonna kill me! I hate the metronome, i’m gonna be there for hours again and people around me are gonna bitch about how long I’ll be there. Oh and the chords, i’m sure they’re gonna ask me what it is, the answer is I don’t know — “Basta it sounds like this.” “It looks like this oh, you know what this is?”.
But meh, I did it anyway. I did it especially because I was scared. I did it because I never want to miss out anything in life. I never want to wake up in my 30s and say, “I wish I tried being a real musician, I wonder how it feels like.” or “what should I call myself? Hmm how about Just Meg?” or questions like “I wonder how my songs will sound like? Should I try writing one?”
A lot of times, I kind of suck being a musician. I theoretically suck at it the most. But i’m learning. And even though everyday is a struggle, i’m still grateful i have the time to learn and time to improve myself both musically and spiritually. The most important thing is, I try. Oh, you live and you learn. Life’s a bitch and cheers to that.
Note to self: breathe and learn some more.
Note to the reader: acknowledge your small achievements, you’re okay.
Photos from Alyssa Sarrondo Photography
Hang in there,